Warnings Are There For A Reason

We all make fun of warning labels and toy recalls, but do you know the names of the toys that perpetuate our paranoia? Radar Report has compiled a list of the 10 most dangerous toys of all time. Some of them are obvious, like the Lawn Dart which scored an impressive 6,700 injuries and 4 deaths. Apparently throwing weighted spears around the lawn wasn't such a great idea for family fun.

Other toys are not so obvious, like the SnackTime Cabbage Patch Doll. You were suppose to feed this doll with the supplied rubbery vegetables. What was not apparent to anyone was that the doll actually took a very hard bite of the things stuck in it's mouth. Since pressure sensors are expensive, our friendly Cabbage Patch doll ate 35 fingers and ponytails before being pulled from shelves. Thankfully, you can still find them on eBay if you want that perfect gift for your favorite cannibal.

My favorite toy to make the list has to be the beautiful Sky Dancers.

I distinctly remember these things being pushed on TV when I was in High School. Basically an open fan blade with a Barbie head stuck on top, it appealed to many young girls. Over 150 kids were injured by the kamikaze toy. Injuries included broken ribs, teeth, scratched corneas, and facial lacerations requiring stitches.


Pay attention to the toys you buy this year, so you don't give out horrible mutilation and death.

Happy Holidays

PETA vs NBA

The NBA tried out a new ball this year. It came with a lot of controversy, and it has now left with little fanfare. Most people are happy to see the return of the old leather ball.

PETA, however, is not one of them. They've issued an open letter to NBA players from which this excerpt came.

"PETA would like to offer a lifetime supply of cruelty-free hand cream to any NBA siss … excuse me, superstar who’d be willing to give the composite ball another shot. Recreational players and NCAA athletes have been using composite balls for years without experiencing scratches or scrapes—but we understand that the delicate hands of pampered NBA superstars are far more sensitive than those of your average Joe who actually has to work for a living. The hand cream comes in a variety of scents, including “Filthy Rich Organic” (perfect for any overpaid millionaire) and “Peaceful Patchouli”—Nash, we have a whole case of that set aside for you.

Shaq, as one of the players who has been most critical of the composite ball, perhaps you’ll volunteer to be our test case—since you’ve only played four games all season, surely you have time to work a moisturizing routine into your schedule..."

Hilarious.

Bad Morning

I keep thinking this is going to happen to me.



I drive a green '94 Honda and a lady I work with drives a green '93 Honda. I've tried to get into her car with my key on more than one occasion.

Easily Amused

Usually I would say that furniture really doesn't rate high enough on the entertainment scale to warrant a post. Bare with me though because this table represents a giant leap forward in table technology.

At least I think it does. Really, for all I know about furniture, this kind of thing may have been invented in the 1500's.

Regardless, it's cool.

300

The final trailer for 300 is up. Story boarded directly from Frank Miller's graphic novel it looks to be one of the most visually stunning movies of next year. A fantastical telling of the Battle of Thermopylae it promises to be one of the goriest as well.

Nintendo Increases Idiot Protection

Apparently people don't understand the amount of effort that is required to play Wii games.



Seriously, how hard would you have to throw the Wiimote to do this kind of damage?

Anyway, Nintendo has decided to take action to protect idiots from themselves. Wii's shipping from Nintendo are now coming with much stronger lanyards.

Celebration Time

Let's say you’re a huge football fan watching your favorite team play their hated rival. Your QB throws a long bomb to the end zone for the game winning touchdown. What do you do? You tear down the goal posts!

Now apply that scenario to soccer. What do you do?

You tear UP the goal post? Well, that's what UCSB did when they won the National Championship on Sunday.

Wal-Mart Thinks Of Others

Wally World has been under increasing pressure from angry employees lately. People are most upset about their new staffing policies which are designed for cheaper and more flexible labor. For instance, one of their new policies calls for disciplinary action after four unauthorized absences. That seemed reasonable until it was discovered that emergencies, such as a sick child, do not count as authorized absences.

In response to the rising discontent, Wal-Mart has developed a new program that says 'Thank You' to their employees. The program details that after 20 years of service an employee will receive a 'special polo shirt'.

I wonder how much that special polo would go for on eBay.

Dallas Clark

I’m sure you've all seen the Madden '07 commercials on TV. Well the newest one depicts Dallas Clark getting hammered by the Eagles defense.



Apparently Mr. Clark is a little upset about the commercial. He says it makes him look like a punk. Upon hearing his distress the makers of the commercial, Rooster Teeth, issued an apology and a directors cut of the commercial.



P.S. Bonus points if you grok the name "Rooster Teeth".