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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Human Food

I've had a dog now for 4 and a half year. Over the course of those years she has eaten the same dog food day in and day out. My parents' cat gets fed the same way, and so does my in-laws horse. In fact every 'loved' pet gets fed this way. I'd bet every animal under human care gets fed this way.

All animals except our kids.

You laugh and scoff, "Of course we don't feed our kids that way. It wouldn't be healthy." I agree. There isn't a food in existence that you can live on exclusively.

Why not?

I'm not saying I would like to eat the same thing everyday. It sounds torturous, but this would be a great product. How many times have you sat around the house and thought, "I'm not really craving anything for dinner." Or maybe, "I don't feel like cooking."

Invariably we end up snacking on some salt sugary snack that has zero health benefits. But what if you could go to the cupboard and scoop out two cups of Human Chow? Just sit in front of the TV and munch on some kibble secure in the knowledge that you are still getting a healthy meal.

And it would taste good. If we can make jelly beans taste like ear wax, surely we can make a healthy cracker taste like steak. The mouth feel would be wrong, but who cares! Steak!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did netflix not make their delivery on time? Or did they and you ordered the matrix so you could repetitively watch the scene where mouse describes the taste of tasty wheat?

10/05/2008 10:38 PM  
Blogger mattjustmull said...

Aye, they had the idea in the Matrix. It's been almost a decade since that movie, and this is the best we can do?

10/06/2008 1:42 PM  
Blogger Dena Marie said...

Isn't that pretty much what Ramen Noodles are? Perfect for the bachelor or college dorm student. :o)

10/06/2008 8:35 PM  
Blogger mattjustmull said...

That guy got cirrhosis by eating McDonald's after only 21 days. I imagine eating nothing but ramen would turn out even worse. :)

10/07/2008 7:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We could always mix up a batch of Soylent Green!

10/08/2008 1:43 PM  

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